holiday update.

Finished the first 2 days of our holiday.
First I couldn't properly sleep the night before we left so I was sleepy, than our plane got delayed because of bad weather and now I have medium sunburn because of the sun being too shining. And even with all this whining I can honestly say I'm having the best of times.

new camera.

As an invest in my Holiday and my future work I've gotten a new digital camera. Still need to figure out wow everything works but hey There are still 24 hours before I have to leave.
Going to use this camera to get some exposure, making sharp images from my drawings to place them on sites. Short stops from my writing, I got some fun ideas.

getting worked up.

Once again I have come down with a cold after having a cavity filled by the dentist. At first I believed the anaesthetics where at fault but that is an improbability as this time I didn't get any (free choice). Combined with Paypal acting up again you could say my holiday preparations are running a little slow. Hopefully my cold will be over at the end of the weekend, and now that all payments are done Paypal will act properly again. At moments like this I really hate that the entire world is run by banks. It just feels like instead of using your own money, they make you feel like you're using there's and you should be all "Thank you Oh mighty Financial Industry". I'm not into that kind of worshipping. Oh well, I've got better things to worry about. ;}

Just today

Trying to learn Portuguese for a holiday, learning how to make pixel art, resizing all my picture so I can put them in the art section, deciding how to call my Deviantart account, finding time to play with photobucket, reading pockets, buying books, trying to put nicer things in my blog, feeding and playing with all my knuffels/pets/fish, working on a diagram containing the links between all my story's, ignoring my ex whom after a year still doesn't understand that it's really over and trying to stay in practically sane all the way through.

Arts exposure

Ever since I was a kid, I made up story's.
I was at a constant attempt to captures my fantasies into reality, by drawing, painting, telling, photographing and finally writing. By the time I was five years old I had already determined the three major goals of my life; 1.Visit every continent (and as many country's) in the world, 2. Have as many children as God/ nature (choose your favorite) will let me have, and 3. Get as much of my work shown to the general public and hopefully make a reasonable living out of it.
Soon enough I found out there were several problems that could thwart my plans. To put them in no specific order, my mother, I'm shy, and I don't like it if people tell me what to do.
trust me just one of those is a fantastic way not to succeed in even one of the areas of my desire. When I was younger I didn't really see much of a problem, I just simply thought my mom would soon enough realise my ability to think for myself, I'd eventually grow out of my shyness, and once people saw my talent they would respect me and let me do as I please. Can't really blame that state of mind, I was five and still believed in Dragons and Knights.
Now after several years I've come down to realise my mom will never change, strange people still scare the sh*t out of me and (most) people who are supposed to help expose new talent are only interested in the paycheck at the end of the month.
All of this let to many devastating let downs throughout the years, and I no more than a hundred times tried to give up only to find myself working on something in the middle of the night or telling a story to myself, a friend and even random strangers in the street(doing that during street fairs while dressed as a druid makes some bucks too). But I'm about as far away of making a living out of it as I was when I was five, (not when I was about ten, I sold two paintings during a generosity fair at my school, sang at a choir and even had people interested in my writing publishing wise) no nowadays it's all

'well it's not that we aren't interested in your work it's just that in the economy of the moment you are not compatible with the image that arises in ones mind when reading/viewing this. If you were just...well I don't want to be insulting, but you could always become a ghostwriter/ unnamed illustrator.
That way we can generate an audience that's accustomed to your style.

How is that not insulting, I was already a depressed teenager and this just completely destroyed what little self-esteem I had left from my childhood. My mind started to unravel till I no longer wanted to distinguish reality from my story's, they were just much saver. No matter how many times I'd die I'd always wake up the next day, unlike reality that seemed determined to devour me in small little bites.
But now I've regained enough of my self-esteem back to dare to stick my head out of the field again. I'm in the process of making a Deviantart account, where I will place my photo's, my drawings, my sculptures, poets, short story's, long story's and pretty much anything else I can make up to put out into the world.
Wish me luck.<3

getting my bearings straight.

for the past week or so I have bin seriously rethinking my life, my decisions and the things I just didn't do.
For most people it probably looked as if I wasn't doing anything at all, what just simply isn't true.
I'm just one of those people that goes on and on about something inside there head and doesn't utter a word or even the hint of an word till I have every angle figured out. But when I am done pondering I do have the tendency to take immediate action. What for the people in my direct surrounding after all these years shouldn't be a shock any more.
Like 7 years ago, I finally booked that trip to Los Angeles I wanted to take. I had bin planning the trip in my head for nearly 2 years, yet the time between informing the people around me and my plane leaving were on the spot of 3days and 12hours. My mother especially did not like me very much, yet even she had to agree that if there had bin more time she'd had seriously would have attempted to talk it out of my head. It was only because I'd already paid and no refunds where possible she'd decided to let me go. I thought it was a sign that she trusted me enough to let me make my own decisions, the truth was that less than a day after my plane left she went to Court and filled 'parental guidance' over me saying that my impulsive behavior was preventing me from getting the mental treatment I clearly needed.
So after coming back what was (and still is) the best trip of my life, nobody said anything to me, everybody said they were gonna wait till the pictures had gotten developed before they were gonna listen to my story's. The only person who even hinted that not everything was as it seemed was my sister, but she's a bitch so I paid her no heed. No after being back for nearly a month I found myself on the receiving end of an official letter stating that all physical and mental health decisions would be made by my mother, indefinitely or till she sees fit to hand over control. Since that day I have bin desperately trying to get control back over my life, but I cant do it bombastically for it will only proof her right. At first I just thought that I'd indulge my mother by visiting some psychiatric and doctors, trying to proof that I'm not nuts just very creative. After one year I was labelled schizophrenic (They say I hear voices, I say they are the story's I'm working on), oppositional rebellious syndrome(I don't like it when I get told what to do), bi-polar(wouldn't you be) and several other tags.
You can understand that since that day I have bin very weary of making life-altering decisions, as my mother can make a stop to pretty much anything.